Trust is very important. If you trust, you believe. It takes a load off your mind if you trust that things will be done. And it takes worry out of your life to trust that things will turn out in your favour, in the end, if you work at it.
I finally realised whats missing in my life while walking back from studying alone.
I don’t.
I don’t trust the future, and due to past experience, from as young as 11, i learned that it was folly to trust someone completely. Maybe thats why i keep a part of me hidden from everyone.
I’m skeptical.
Trust is implied; Its never stated. I must admit, i trust inanimate objects more than living people. Maybe I feel people have let me down too many times before, especially my parents; When i let someone know how i feel , i trust they will not use it against me, i trust that they will not hurt me. It seems like every single person i put my trust in, ends up hurting me.
Or maybe i trust too easily. The gullible sort thats become too jaded by his past to trust again.
But one thing’s for sure, if you’ve hurt me before, you’re never ever going to be trusted again. You’ll have to move mountains and make miracles for me to believe you again. I am blessed with a memory unfading, which can be a curse sometimes.Thus I hate liars.
I don’t forget, yet i find it hard to grasp forgiveness. Maybe this has made me enemies in the past and made me seem uppity to others, but in this regard , I don’t care. Why? coz i don’t care about those I don’t trust. Though it seems logical, but it can be a very cold and hard logic when it is applied to family or people you love and care about.
But I know whats important to me now: I don’t want to get hurt.
A problem with a total lack of trust also implicates myself. I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust my abilities. And when that happens, you know self esteem is a problem.I also don’t trust my feelings enough to believe them.
You also need trust to love. You simply cannot love something you don’t trust as you simply won’t believe.
So in one analysis i’ve figured out why i am cynical, worried, unfeeling ,always guarded and have low self esteem.
great.
